He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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