Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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