You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
