Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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