hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
