I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
