I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
