either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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