What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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