My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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