ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
