you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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