new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
whose ass print is on the piano?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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