Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
