Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
