Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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