my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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