I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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