Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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