i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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