Me. At least after what I've been through.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
