This girl is more easily done than said...
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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