Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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