Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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