Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
