You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Randomize
