Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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