they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
