I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
