i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
