She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
