afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
