They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
