at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
