I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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