really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
