i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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