We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
