She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
