My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
