I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
