also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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