summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
