I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
