he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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