I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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