i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
