I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
