i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
