the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I wish you could order shots online.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
