i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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