My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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